the will to do things...

I've been trying to get myself psyched up about all the stuff I have to do this semester. For about two days there I was really determined to get things done. And now it's like...what's the point? I'm an unhappy, bitter person whenever left to my own devices. I'm fizzling out again and don't know what to do to make it better. Monday usually "solves" this problem as I snap back to social reality (if you can call it that, in my case). But I can't afford another weekend of semi-comatose, depressed, sulking hermitage. I need to find an outlet for fun that is really FUN and not just fake fun that can be tempered with intense periods of concentration in which I write all these papers. I've wanted that kind of balance for years, I think. And it seems important to my sense of fulfillment, but I've probably got everything all skewed because of my attitude of defeat. I've been closer to obtaining it while abroad, but it's never been "perfect" and I've realized that it shouldn't have to be. In other words, nothing can *ever* be as good as it seems. It's a maxim that I sadly can't free my mind of.